It tells me all I need to know about you if: 

• In a public restroom, you hunker down for a long stretch, emitting all manner of bodily noises and odors.   (Ew.  Take that sh*t home, please.  Literally!)
• When a car is stopped, waiting for you to cross the street, you walk as slowly as humanly as possible.  (Yes, we can tell you're going slow as some kind of lame and twisted power grab.  And yes, it is childish and obnoxious, and is all I really need to know about you.)

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• You litter the public ways – at all, ever.  And that includes...
• While walking down a busy sidewalk, you snort, hack and then matter-of-factly spit something right on the foot path.  (How about using the grass, street, or a garbage can?  Or better yet, not doing that in public at all?)  People who do this tell me pretty much all I need to know about them.
• You rush to get into a crowded elevator, making people who need to get off excuse themselves and go around you.  (Those getting off have the right-of-way...  Duh.)

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It's also all I need to know about you if you do pretty much any of the things in the following startlingly funny and disgusting video:

I know all I need to know about you if:

• You actively groom at the table while dining out.  And by “actively groom” I mean pick at teeth, nose, ears, hair, nails, etc. – your own or your date’s.  (Do people seriously not know how disgusting and uncouth this is?  Well, you do now.)

• On a dinner date, your phone rings, and you actually take the call -- at the table.  Anything other than a quick "I'll have to call you back" is supremely rude, and is essentially all I need to know about you.  (Your date may be similarly unimpressed, btw.)

• While having dinner with your significant other, you completely and obviously , lewdly and lasciviously, check out every attractive passerby.  (I shudder to think how you look at people when you're not on a date.)

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It tells me all I need to know about you if: 

• You go to the movies with friends and talk loudly through the whole thing.   (Shouldn't you be at a tractor pull or monster truck rally?)

• You holler at the top of your lungs at the movie screen, as if the characters might actually hear you.  (We all know you're just trying to be funny.  We also know, as should you, that most of the time you're not.)

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• You crinkle candy, gum or any food wrappers during the quietest scenes in the movie. (Don't even try to say you don't know that noise is disruptive.  It is, and you are just as rude as the Chatty Cathys.)

• You show no ability whatsoever to stifle, or at least quiet, your coughs, sneezes, sniffles, burps, etc. (No no further explanation needed.   I've got all I need to know about you, and it isn't flattering.)

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